(In loving memory of and tribute to Dr. John Trent Bonner….loving father, devoted husband, beloved grandfather and family member, physician, dear friend, and so much more! We miss you at Dorrier Beach week but your legacy lives on and will continue to do so!)
This past week, my wife and I enjoyed a week at Litchfield Beach, SC for the 29th year. My wife’s family has been going since she was a little girl. Her great grandfather on her mother’s side started initially taking his children and their children to beaches in Virginia. My wife’s grandfather (CR Dorrier) and grandmother (Alice Dorrier) then started going to the Pawley’s Island area, and we have been going there ever since I met my wife 30 years ago. We had our second date there when I was a graduate student at Medical University of South Carolina, and she was at Pawley’s with her family and invited me to come for a day at the beach and meet her entire extended family. For a young man on his second date, that was somewhat intimidating. We then got engaged and we have been going to the Pawley’s Island/ Litchfield Beach area ever since. It has been an amazing time, but not without its challenges. Her family is absolutely AMAZING, and I’ve learned so much from watching how close they are but as an “outsider” (not a Dorrier by blood line) it can be tricky. There are some strong personalities in the group as with any large group of people- much like our work relationships where we always don’t get to choose our co-workers. At one point, in those early years, I didn’t feel like I “fit in” or could “breakthrough” with some individuals to be accepted. I was struggling and considered not going every year.
For context, my wife’s parents are divorced, and I didn’t have a father-in-law present to seek advice from. But Dr. John Bonner was a real ally and friend. John is my wife’s uncle by marriage. John unfortunately passed away this past January (2025) and was a well-respected anesthesiologist with Emory University for years. He was married to an equally talented and respected judge in Atlanta (Alice Bonner, the eldest of my mother in law’s siblings). John was a quiet, meek, unassuming man with great wisdom. He loved photography and was always taking photos at the beach to document the moments. He was very talented, and we loved his photography, sometimes having a slide show on our last night of all the photos he took that week to capture the moments of 3-4 generations co-mingling.
One day I was sharing with John (also someone who had married into the Dorrier family) my struggles to “fit in” and feel accepted and he said those words that rang true in my ear and have helped me ever since and in some years when doubts creep in. He simply said in relation to being there and continuing to foster relationships with everyone: “It’s Hard but It’s Worth It.” He went on to say the Dorrier family could be hard to get to know and integrate into, but it was great and a worthy investment of time and energy. Truer words have never been spoken. Fostering and navigating relationships can be hard, especially with family and those we love the most. The same can be said about a lot of things….like mastering a craft or learning to be the best at a sport. It takes hard work, and it is worth it. Entering any new relationship (new job/organization, new church, new personal relationship) can be hard but perseverance and grace makes it all worth it.
I wouldn’t trade the 30 years of memories in Litchfield Beach for anything. Navigating the different personalities of the 25+ family members can be complex and challenging at times, as with any large group. Our kids have experienced immense love and close relationships with cousins and aunts and uncles that live from Georgia to the Washington, DC area. And the Dorrier’s “show up” when there is a death in the family or a wedding or some milestone to celebrate. As they say about some football teams, they “travel well”, meaning that team has a loyal fan base. Well, so do the Dorrier’s – they are a loyal family.
As I reflected on John this past week and that sage advice, I noted a few takeaways that I wanted to share as it relates to Worthy Relationships:
- Worthy Relationships are Sometimes Complex
At their core, worthy relationships are those that go beyond surface-level interactions and tap into deeper levels of emotional intimacy, trust, and mutual respect. But these connections don’t always come easily. They require effort, understanding, and a willingness to navigate difficult conversations, conflicting emotions, and periods of growth.
- The “Hard” Part: Facing Conflict and Vulnerability
Conflict is often viewed as a sign that something is wrong, but in reality, conflict is a natural part of any relationship. It’s a product of differing perspectives, desires, and needs. What truly matters isn’t avoiding conflict but how we handle it when it arises.
Vulnerability is another crucial aspect of worthy relationships, and it’s one of the hardest things to offer. Opening up to someone else, showing your true self with all your flaws, fears, and insecurities, can feel risky. But vulnerability is the key to authentic connection. It’s in these moments of emotional honesty that relationships deepen and grow stronger.
Yet, being vulnerable is not easy. It requires courage and trust, both of which can be hard to give, especially after past hurts or betrayals. However, it’s precisely through this vulnerability that individuals learn to build a deeper, more resilient bond. Without it, a relationship can remain shallow and stagnant, missing the depth that makes it truly meaningful.
- The “Great” Part: Growth and Deep Connection
The greatness of worthy relationships doesn’t lie in their perfection, but in their ability to help us grow. Relationships challenge us to confront our own shortcomings, assumptions, and blind spots. They teach us about patience, empathy, and compromise. Over time, these challenges—when worked through with care—create a stronger sense of unity and understanding.
When you’re in a worthy relationship, there’s a sense of shared history, of having worked through difficult times together. You’re no longer two separate individuals simply coexisting; you’ve become partners in life, each contributing to the other’s growth.
The feeling of being understood, accepted, and supported—despite your flaws—is one of the greatest rewards a relationship can offer. In truly worthy relationships, both people are encouraged to be their best selves, not just because they have to, but because the other person believes in them and is invested in their well-being.
- Worthy Relationships Require Commitment and Consistency
One of the most defining features of a great relationship is commitment. It’s not about simply staying together when things are easy, but about sticking it out when things get tough. When you face challenges together, whether it’s a period of misunderstanding, external stress, or personal growth, the commitment to work through those tough moments is what creates the foundation for something truly lasting.
- Worthy Relationships Have Boundaries and Respect
It’s crucial to recognize that worthy relationships are not about perfection; they’re about mutual respect and understanding. This means setting and respecting boundaries, understanding each other’s needs, and supporting each other’s personal growth.
Boundaries help preserve individual autonomy while nurturing the relationship. Healthy relationships thrive on respect for these boundaries. And when both parties in a relationship are able to express their needs and listen to each other without judgment, a deeper sense of connection emerges.
- The Real Magic Can and Often Does Happen In The Struggle
The truth about worthy relationships is that the struggle is part of the magic. Relationships that challenge us to grow are the ones that ultimately change us for the better. They force us to confront our own weaknesses, biases, and limitations, but they also give us the space to heal, evolve, and become stronger.
There’s nothing quite like looking back at a shared history with someone and realizing how much you’ve both grown, not only as individuals but as a team. It’s through the trials that we earn the right to celebrate the successes, the quiet moments of connection, and the joy of being truly understood.
Conclusion: The Reward of Worthy Relationships
Worthy relationships aren’t just about enjoying the good times—they’re about navigating life’s complexities together. They’re about facing the hard parts with courage, vulnerability, and a willingness to adapt. So, while the path may be hard at times, the payoff is immense. The greatest relationships in life are the ones that challenge us to be better, to love harder, and to embrace both the ups and downs as part of the beautiful, messy, and wonderful process of growing together.
Whatever you are going through now in a relationship I hope the words of the late Dr. John Bonner ring in your ear….”Yes, it’s hard, but it’s worth it.” And I hope you will take the time to make the investment, even when it’s hard, because the rewards are immeasurable. This is what I have discovered in 29 years at Dorrier Beach week. Each year the rewards get richer because of the connections and the investment, and the payoff is something that can’t be bought…it is only something that can be realized with an investment of oneself over time.
